Oh NO this cannot be happening again...

While I was pregnant with our second daughter my husband lost his job and the school eventually closed.  He went back to working at a shop as a mechanic.  Our daughter was born and everything was going well.  I took a 9 month leave of absence to be a mom and just stay home and love on my babies.  When I went back to work I was working a lot of overtime and having to drive at least an hour each way.  My job was very demanding and we were having a lot of trouble finding good daycare so we decided to move closer to my job and my family. We found a beautiful, large four bedroom home and bought it. We were still having trouble finding good reliable childcare so when the company I was working for offered early retirement and a buyout program that would enable me to have 2 years of unlimited education paid for we decided I should take the buyout and stay home and go to school and get my degree.  I gladly took it even though I was worried about doing away with my income because I had been at the phone company for 13 years and made more money than my husband.  He wanted me to and said we would manage.  I was thrilled to be able to stay home with the girls!  My husband had moved to a shop close to our new home so he didn't have a long commute either.  I decided to register with an in home daycare company and offer childcare in my home to supplement our income.  I registered in college.  I would watch 2 toddlers during the day and then when my husband came home I would leave for class and he would take care of our girls.  After a couple of minutes I suspected something was wrong.  He wasn't acting the same and strange things were beginning to happen.  One day he went to work and after lunch he called me and said he was downtown and parked the car he had been working on and when he came out it was not there and he had gone everywhere looking for it and couldn't find it.  Most people would think oh the car must have been stolen but those of us who live with an addict know when things aren't adding up then most likely it means they're using.  I just got this massive pit in the bottom of my stomach; the one where you feel like you have a cannon ball laying in your abdomen.  It's a very heavy debilitating feeling.  It's a feeling that is almost impossible to understand if you haven't lived through it or experienced it yourself.  You go along and think wow I can relax, breathe with ease, and then something happens and your entire world is turned upside down.  For anyone who has never lived with an addict they can't even begin to understand.  I have tried to explain to my husband how I feel and what it does to me but he can't understand because he always knows where I am and what I'm doing.  When I tell him where I'll be or what I will be doing he knows that's what is happening and doesn't even have to think about it because he knows he can trust me.  On the other hand as an addict they get used to lying so it's second nature to them.  They don't even think of it as lying its just the way they survive and are able to get what they crave.  One of the first ways I know he's using again is when things happen that don't add up...like losing a car just going in a building and coming back out.  Over the next few weeks many peculiar things started happening and then one morning we got up and I can't even remember what happened but we had words and ended up in our bedroom with him holding me down and yelling and then he picked up a phone and threw it.  Our girls who were 1 and 3 at the time were there and were crying. This just broke my heart that they had to witness what was happening. I ran out of the door and over to the neighbor and asked her to call the police.  This was before cell phones were a common household item.  When the police came they took him in.  At that time if the police were called someone had to go in to jail. He never hit me but he threw the phone in my direction so they had to take him in. I didn't know that because I had never been involved with the police before.  I am not condoning or excusing what he did but I will tell you that this had never happened before or since.  I still do not know why it happened that day.  I don't know if it was bad drugs or what but it was not the norm for him.  It just goes to show that you really don't know when or if something will escalate when dealing with an addict.  During all of this the mother of one of the kids I was babysitting came to drop off her daughter. Needless to say I didn't watch her daughter again. I didn't blame her one bit; I would not feel comfortable leaving my toddler in the situation either. The next day he came home and the police called and said we had to come down to the police station and speak with the prosecutor.  I knew I was done and wasn't going to continue living like this or subjecting my children to this  It was after this episode that he started an outpatient program and the police dropped all charges and said that if he didn't get in any other trouble it would drop off his record after two years. This is when I decided it was time to see an attorney...